Nathaniel “Gnat” Technique

 
 

It seems quaint now, but in a time before smart phones, MP3 players, and “music” television, there were record albums—wax discs that were sold to refined, sophisticated adults and rabid, hormonal teenagers alike. Records played in bedrooms and boardrooms. They spun in jukeboxes for a nickel and in gentlemen’s clubs for change of a dollar.


These Record Albums were the currency in which the world purchased the sweet nectar of the musical honeycombs the worker bees of song intricately excreted at behest of the Queen Bee of melody.

And no instrument excreted the viscous, yellow-hued tonal liquid quite like the Soprano Saxophone.

Even today the world embraces the Soprano Saxophone as THE woodwind. It trumps the Alto and Baritone Saxophone with the Ace of Hearts; that clear, romantic high register that melts the icy exterior of the hardest soul buried deep in Antarctic snows. The Soprano Saxophone is classier than the Clarinet, more triumphant than the Trumpet, flashier than the Flute, and more practical than the Piccolo. And, let’s be honest, no one admits to liking the fucking Tuba.


We know the Soprano Saxophone as John Coltrane’s signature horn on “My Favorite Things”. Now, it is the calling card of celebrated “musician” Kenny G and featured in countless elevators and ringtones.


But who remembers the Master who brought the Soprano Saxophone to world? Who taught John Coltrane its subtle intricacies? What does the “G” in Kenny G stand for?


The answer, of course: Nathaniel “Gnat” Technique.


Early Years

Born on the 4th of July in 1945, just outside of Chicago in Merrillville, Indiana, to Bill and Starre Technique, young Nathaniel knew the hardship known only to those who live near Chicago, but not actually close enough to claim being from Chicago. He came from “The Region”, and he carried the stigma with him his entire life.


His father ran a marginally successful “Filling” station catering to travelers on the newly completed Interstate 65. Helping out his father as best he could, Nathaniel would pump gas, wash windows, and even provide service with a “smile”.  Young Nathaniel knew there was more up that highway than existed in his little town. But what?

“The Region”

The answer came in the form of a powder-blue Cadillac that pulled in one afternoon with a tire low on air pressure. The man behind the wheel was in a huge hurry. He had to get to Chicago to meet his “man” because he was “jonesing”. Nathaniel immediately deduced the man was a member of legendary bandleader Spike Jones’ band, and he was late for a gig.


The stranger promised Nathaniel a $100 bill if he could add air to his tire as quick as possible. Now, $100 at that time was worth approximately $1.4 million in today’s currency, so Nathaniel looked on this as a pretty substantial financial opportunity. Unfortunately the station’s air pump was out of service, so Nathaniel, thinking quickly and not wanting to lose the $100, grabbed a wrench, struck the man on the back of the head, pulled him out of the car, took his wallet, leapt in the car, and drove straight for Chicago.

A Star is Born at the Crossroads


This serendipitous robbery/murder was just what Nathaniel Technique needed to make a new start. He rolled into a Chicago with a beautiful car, $740, and, to his amazement, a trunk that contained a beautiful leather case which cradled the 3rd most beautiful thing Nathaniel had ever seen (after the $740 and the prostitute he hired who immediately robbed him of the $740): a shimmering Soprano Saxophone!


The Cadillac was quickly stolen by a large associate of the aforementioned Lady of the Evening, but he left the horn.


So Nathaniel found himself broke, with no transportation, and probably wanted for murder in the heart of downtown Chicago. Necessity has been described as the Mother of Invention, but Desperation is the Dr. Frankenstein of Necessity. So Nathaniel found $12 in the pocket of a man sleeping off the effects being hit with an instrument case, and he bought a one-way bus ticket to the Mississippi Delta.


Nathaniel Technique knew the legends of the Devil and Crossroads, but he had no idea how to play a Soprano Saxophone. So he descended the steps the bus at the 1st Crossroads the driver passed in Mississippi. As the bus passed into the horizon, Nathaniel opened the case, took out the beautiful instrument carefully, put it to his lips, and blew.


Nothing.


He tried again, and again, but only managed to create a bleating not unlike a diseased sheep. He repeatedly pleaded for Satan to come and offer him a deal like the Devil had Robert Johnson. But all he heard was silence, except the incessant buzzing of an airborne insect, a GNAT.  A pest who seemingly would not leave him alone. He swung at it with his hands, but he continually missed.


He moved, it followed.


Finally, the flying annoyance flew into the bell his sax. Nathaniel, sensing an opportunity and on the verge of a mental breakdown, placed his two hand on the horn, and blew into the mouthpiece while wildly flailing to the heavens.


And out came the SOUND!


The sound that would become known around the world as the “Gnat Technique”.

Epilogue


After his release from prison in 2000, “Gnat” once again returned to Merrillville, where a huge, glittering theater sat on the very spot of his Dad’s old gas station. It was called the Merrillville Star Plaza Theater, after his Mother, Starre. The extra “re” was dropped, as it seemed superfluous and a bit stupid. He gazed up at the glittering marquee at the names of superstars performing there soon: Barry Manilow, Pat Benatar, Journey “featuring everyone but Steve Perry”, Steve Perry, and appearing tonight – Kenny G.


He saw a photo of what, in prison, would have passed for an attractive woman with a Soprano Saxophone. He walked to the box office, purchased a ticket, and sat down just as Kenny G put that horn to his lips, grabbed on with Two Hands, and played “Red Blood on a Sky Blue Cadillac” using the “Gnat Technique”.

Walking out of the theater with tears in his eyes, he stopped at the nearest payphone, called his lawyer and promptly sued Kenny G for copyright infringement which was settled out of court for $500,000, which is $100,000,000 in today’s dollars.


He now owns a Hooters franchise across the highway from the theater.


The Devil may be a Trickster, but he does deliver on his promises.

And so Nathaniel Technique became Nathaniel “Gnat” Technique. He made many influential records: Two Handed; Two Handed Too; Two Handed Also, As Well (double album); and his signature tune, “Red Blood on a Sky Blue Cadillac”, was used as the theme song for the first 10 seasons of the Bozo The Clown syndicated children’s show.


But as all things rise, then they also must become flaccid.


The Beatles, Bob Dylan, The Monkees, and more soon arrived in garish, longhaired floats on the Hit Parade.

Times changed, but Nathaniel did not. Not even his name.


So, with the musical landscape being made horizontal, Nathaniel returned to Merrillville.


He was promptly arrested for the murder and robbery of a Chicago musician at the Technique Esso station 5 years earlier and was sentenced to 40 years in the Indiana State Penitentiary.